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You Know You're A Band Geek....

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You Know You're A Band Geek When...
Band geek, band nerd, band dork, band roadie, whatever.

1. You hear music on the radio and you start marking time.
2. You're walking behind someone and you're in step with them.
3. You try to guess the tempo of your favorite song.
4. All your friends are in band.
5. You don't mind changing clothes on the bus (see below).
6. You know how to change on the bus without revealing anything.
7. People ask you about your social life and you say "Oh you mean my flute?"
8. You've had a "trombone-ectomy" (shudder).
9. You practice your instrument more than you talk to your dog.
10. Being mauled by a drum is a normal part of life.
11. "Armed guard" means a girl with a pole, not a guy with a gun.
12. You remember sharps and flats more easily than you remember the name of the president.
13. You've named your instrument.
14. You see your section more than you see your family.
15. Everyone wants to kill the other football team...and you want to kill the other band.
16. You have dreams about selling band candy.
17. You accidentally call your band director "Dad".
18. Reeds taste good.
19. You subconsciously start practicing with a pencil.
20. You roll step through the cafeteria so you don't spill your food.
21. You're alone and you suffocate because no one's telling you to breathe.
22. The band room is your second home. It is your home if you've got it bad.
23. You think a national monument should be built honoring John Philip Sousa. Hell, they should just chip off one of those president heads and put it there.
24. You've actually been to band camp and consider it the highlight of your summer.
25. You recite the alphabet A through G then start back at A again.
26. Someone could empty their spit valve on your shoe and you wouldn't care.
27. Spit rags/swabbers don't gross you out (see above).
28. You carry cork grease in your pocket.
29. You know what a shako is and insist on calling them that, threatening to kick anyone who dares to call them 'hats'.
30. 9/2 time scares the b'jeezus out of you, while dying a slow painful death in a pit of snakes doesn't.
31. Your philosophy is: "If you don't have your mouthpiece then what the heck is that noise coming out of your mouth?"
32. You and your pals have memorized the entire repertoire for the year and can play your respective parts together...on kazoos.
33. You hear a song on the radio and think: "Hey, this'd make a good pep band song."
34. You don't describe people by going "She's got brown hair, dark eyes, kind of tall..", but go "She's an alto sax."
35. Your conductor is your hero.
36. You have a designated section in your closet dubbed "for concert attire".
37. You have a harness/neck strap tan line.
38. Pep band is the highlight of your week.
39. You go around humming the last song you practiced, even if it's Bb major scale.
40. A random person could punch you in the face and you wouldn't respond, but you'll fight to the death over who in your section gets to play the solo.
41. Someone yells out "Hey Tuba boy!" and you respond.
42. Your biggest crush was/is your drum major.
43. You go to parades that you are not in and make sure lines are straight, horn angles are parallel, and everyone is in step.
44. You listen to the classical station and can name off songs that you remember playing in band.
45. You always start off on the left foot.
46. You find it complicated to get in step with your reflection.
47. You've seen "Mr.Holland's Opus" 26 times.
48. Everybody in band fights like they're family.
49. When walking down the hall you are in step with your friends. If someone is not, they fall behind or do a little foot shuffle to get in step.
50. You have dents in your furniture from hitting it with drumsticks or spit stains from emptying your valve.

51. You know how to play 10 popular-stand tunes, but know the words to none of them.
52. You point out key changes and dynamics when you listen to the radio.
53. You can strip out of your uniform in less than a minute WITHOUT getting it on the floor in order to use the bathroom.
54. You can carry four different food products at a time and eat them while standing with your instrument on moving bleachers in the rain and not drop any crumbs on your pep band jersey.
55. Having people help dress and undress you isn't even remotely sexually stimulating.
56. You know how to walk on mud without slipping.
57. You miss class to march in a parade.
58. You point out instruments from the music in cartoons.
59. You're still humming band music from three years ago.
60. You start screaming "LEFT! LEFT! LEFT!" to the people that walk in front of you on your way to class.
61. You've never had to pay to get into a football/basketball game.
62. Your feet are together, your stomach is in, your shoulders are back, your head is up, and your eyes are "with pride." 24/7.
63. You've been wittness to a fallen xylophone, bells, chimes, or marimba.
64. Your English teacher is discussing banned bookes and you think - "band books?"
65. You sit at what is known by all as the "Band Table" in the cafeteria.
66. You pile as many band people as you can in one car to go and see "Final Fantasy".
67. You tell people in the movie theater they're humming the "Final Fantasy" tune out of key.
68. You either hate orchestra or are incredibly envious of it.
69. You never go anywhere without a deck of cards (see below).
70. Your deck of cards have been used to such a degree that they've been ripped and taped, have dog eared corners, are an odd pinkish tinge, can no longer fit into their box, and people ask if they'll contract chlamidya from them. Amazingly though, you still have all 52.
71. Instead of doing the "L = left" thing with your hands, you take one step forward to figure out which is right and which is left.
72. You'll clean up the uniform room for a free soda.
73. You're feeling sick at school, but you don't go home until after band.
74. Your friends (uh... friend) who aren't in band hang out in the band room before class starts.
75. You've never ever sat in your class section at a pep rally because you're playing.
76. You still and always will find "Sax-a-ma-PHONE!" entertaining.
77. You find yourself drawing characters in uniforms with instruments.
78. You're in band, but you don 't play an instrument (see below).
79. You like band so much but you don't know how to play an instrument, so you join and become a runner for the band.
80. Normal people bet on horse racing, you bet on the DCI Championship.
81. People you haven't seen since elementary school go up to you and say "Hey, you're that one clarinet girl!"
82. In the hallway at school, someone drops a pencil and you holler "STICK!!!"
83. Someone starts clapping and you get nervous.
84. If your dog called you to attention you wouldn't faint out of surprise until the at-ease.
85. Friends tell you to "pee clear."
86. If you actually get to watch a parade in the off-season, you get the urge to say things like "Second rank, left file, watch the intervals!"
87. You name the city and the show, your friends know exactly when you're talking about.
88. Immediate respect for any drum major.
89. "Beef" has nothing to do with cows.
90. (If you tour) You have a refined ability to walk down an aisle on the edges of bus seats.
91. (See above) You fight over who gets to sleep on the floor.
92. You go into spasms if you aren't in the same room as your instrument for more than two hours.
93. Someone asks you who your favorite band is and you say"High school or college? 4A or 5A school? DCI or what?"
94. Wal-Mart is having a sale on lawn ornaments and you think "Wow, they're selling pit members now?"
95. You dent a tuba and blame it on flag line.
96. When you do squatt and go's to get to a class you are late for.
97. You go to other football games to watch the other band.
98. You play the fight songs for FUN!
99. You listen to band demo CDs in your car.
100. Your CDs consist of mainly orchestral/band music.

"The band dancers are outcasts. So is the flute boy. He quit."

101. You can measure 5 yards without a ruler- all you need is to count your steps while you're walking.
102. You end everything with the word "hut".
103. You can stand absolutely still, staring at the wall, for 15 minutes straight.
104. Normal people argue about the Vikings vs. the Packers, you argue about brass vs. woodwinds.
105. Looking at pictures of new instruments turns you on.
106. You know the difference between a baritone and a euphonium.
107. Every research paper you've ever done has been on a composer or arts in the schools.
108. Your band director bans "Louie Louie" in order to play new music.
109. You're upset when you make a 99 in band.
110. You've broken into the band room at least once.
111. Your friends have kids and force them to be in music.
112. You're copying an assignment for another class and you write "Reed pgs150-267", and don't notice it's wrong.
113. You can tune a sax.
114. You don't take "double tounging" as a dirty joke.
115. You sit around in class and try to think of new band nerd jokes.
116. A piccolo doesn't hurt your ears.
117. You can play four different instruments, and your mood decides which one you play.
118. Your idea of a recliner is a music posture chiar.
119. You talk to your plume.
120. You've been in a room with over 300 people practicing breath accent cut offs... and there wasn't a director in sight.
121. People call you Flute Girl, but only because you look and sound like her - you really play the trumpet.
122. Your curfew is later if it's an away football game.
123. You've seen the entire band in their underwear.
124. You've stood at attention for half an hour.
125. Even when you're in concert season, you come too close to saying "drop"/"and down" at the end of every piece.
126. You can sit or hold hands with any band member of the opposite sex, but it doesn't mean anything - you're just cold.
127. You have an underground stash of hand warmers.
128. People call where the band room is "The Band Cave".
129. The band director makes you do push-ups for playing "Iron Man" too often.
130. You wish you were at school on the weekends because you forgot to bring your instrument home.
131. You compose music in all of your classes and during lunch.
132. You build a website just for your band. Hmm, should I take this as inspiration..?.
133. You start humming a show tune from three years ago and your friends join in with their respective parts.
134. On band trips (or anywhere), you and your friends play "Guess That Song" - one person hums a song the band has plays and the others guess what it is.
135. You've had band camp nightmares.
136. You sit with your band director during band trips. Or on the city bus.
137. The only reason you're looking forward to Spring Break is because that's when the band trip is.
138. Watching DCI turns you on.
139. You stay after school or during lunch to play around with songs with your other band friends.
140. You consider your band director one of your closest friends. Nathan.
141. You don't like people because they don't like band.
142. The ring tone on your phone is an excerpt from your show.
143. You enjoy going to early/late band. Who cares if it's at the crack of dawn, it's the highlight of your day.
144. You weep tears of joy when you get a Superior. It's kind of like Halle Berry at the Oscars. Only for a more legitamate reason.
145. You refer to other schools as "Oh yeah, that's the one with the band that played _____", or "We beat their band."
146. You e-mail random people you don't know with "You know you're a band dork" jokes. YEAH!
147. You go into a field and wonder why there are football players there.
148. You compare yourself to others based on chair placements in band/regionals/all-state.
149. You sometimes wonder why people don't also say "Sousa-ma-phone!" Psh, I don't know what's wrong with the people in THIS guy's band... It's complete with "Clar-a-ma-net!" and "Tuba-mab-aaa" in my neck of the woods.
150. You and your friends try to launch a full investigation to find out who put graffiti in the brathroom closest to the band room.

Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?
Because they kept on saying: "Bach Bach Bach."

151. You wonder why band doesn't have their OWN bathroom.
152. Your director is throwing out old percussion uniforms, so you ask if you can have one, and then you and your friends wear them around school the rest of the day - frilly tassles not withstanding.
153. You read pages about band geeks. Is that so wrong?
154. If you're from a warmer state, you wonder why they're talking about hand warmers.
155. You hate American Pie because if you mention band camp to a non-band member (or, as you may call them, a blasphemer), they ask you if you've ever stuck a flute up your... yeah (even though you're a guy), and they still think they're really being original with that one.
156. When people make said joke, you threaten to stick them in the old tuba case.
157. You've tested to see if you can fit in a tuba case.
158. You can confidently tell your friends whether you can or cannot fit into a tuba case.
159. You do the same with a sousaphone case. You guys HAVE sousaphone cases!? Shows what kind of underfunded band I was in.
160. You know what a piccolo trumpet is.
161. You're talking about instruments with your friends, and you all know what every letter before or after a standard model number stands for.
162. Your "You Know You're a Band Geek when..." page is so successful that people plagarize it. Exhibit A: This site. Hmm, it's magically disappeared...
163. You dress the lunch line.
164. You've memorized the bumps on the road from the school to the football field.
165. Instead of doing physics homework, you figure out the frequencies (in Hz) of every not in band. (See below)
166. You notice the tuba they refer to on the final is almost exactly a quarter step out of tune. Jesus Christ. An entire quarter step?!
167. You figure out the exact hearing range of a newborn child... in concert pitches (almost 11 octaves: low Eb to high D). I am entirely amazed.
168. You actually practice.
169. Every person you're currently interested in dating is a band member.
170. You refer to people by their instrument, as in Tuba Mike. Geez, does EVERY band have a "Tuba Mike?"
171. You force the entire AP US History bus to watch BOA finals (rewinding back to when the guys fall down... repeatedly).
172. You plan a military coup of the band when your candidate doesn't win Band President. I feel you, man.
173. Your trademark is your instrument's name and then the band that you play in (eg: Bob-Asj).
174. You can't see the material on your letterman jacket because it's so crammed with patches from honor bands.
175. You've tried out every instrument in the band room, regardless of who played it last.
176. The word "fluglehorn" doesn't send you into a fit of giggles.
177. You've spent more money on reeds than on food.
178. Your most used turn-down line is "Sorry, I've got band that night."
179. Telling someone they blow is a compliment.
180. You subdivide while talking.
181. You can quote current prices for mouthpieces.
182. You can identify any instrument and who it belongs to by it's case.
183. You know where every single dent in your instrement came from, or:
184. There isn't a single dent in your instrument because you flip out any time it gets one, so you sprint to the repair shop right away to get it fixed. Bill the repair man won't care if it's 11:30 at night, right?
185. "Rushing" and "dragging" are technical terms to you.
186. You tell time in measures.
187. Having a metronome has gotten you into trouble. Bomb scare my butt.
188. At church you march up to communion in the attention position instead of a praying position.
189. You don't care if you reveal anything on the bus - all the band guys have seen it before anyway.
190. You've marched in your room, back yard, and/or driveway.
191. You've ever marched in front of a mirror to see what you look like and see if you can do certain moves correctly.
192. You tell the incoming freshmen "This one time, at band camp" stories... like the time that one guy caught his car on fire Was he a percussionist? I bet he was a percussionist. and act it out in detail like it happened an hour ago, and your best buds laugh so hard they cry. Good times, man. Good times.
193. After the uniform, you'll never be threatened by any outfit that has more than 20 steps to get in and out of it for as long as you live.
194. You and your friends eat lunch in the band room.
195. You and your friends march your show from 2 years ago in gym while humming your parts as you go.
196. The word "fingering" doesn't make you think gross thoughts.
197. You can scale the stadium seats with ease, but you trip on the stairs in your house.
198. You know all the cheers that the cheerleaders yell at all the football games.
199. You hum pep band tunes in the shower.
200. Out of boredom, you learn how to play your show on harmonica.

201. You've been in Band so long that your uniform acutally fits now.
202. You think of halloween costumes that involve pieces of your uniform. I don't even WANT to know. (See 227.)
203. Your band is doing a Christmas parade and the parade people made the band get there 2 hours early; it's freezing cold so various band members begin to drift into a gas station to get warm and eventually, the whole band is in there and ends up playing through the field show for the gas station people.
204. (For drum majors) During practice, the podium doubles as a shelf for your personal stuff, such as water bottles, jackets, drill, etc.
205. You've seen a trumpet player's lips get stuck to his mouthpiece because it was so cold outside. Moral of story: don't play the trumpet.
206. You've become able to fall asleep any time and any place because the opportunities are so few and far between that you have to take advantage of them when they're there.
207. When a teacher yells at you for talking in class, it's usually because you were talking about band.
208. You have certain songs that your bus sings on every bus ride, and you have to supress the urge to belt them out on non-band bus rides.
209. You can cuddle up to and/or share a blanket with anyone in band, and nobody will assume anything about the status of your relationship.
210. You can change into your uniform outside in the rain in 2 minutes without getting anything wet other than directly from the sky.
211. You can walk up to anyone in band and fix any part of their uniform without saying anything other than giving them your instrument and saying, "Hold this."
212. You see your fellow band members more than your siblings, and your director and instructors more than your parents.
213. You and your friends gossip about the instructors' personal lives, and somehow find it more entertaining than gossip about people your own age.
214. Yet, you do still enjoy gossiping about people in band, and you know that if you're in band, your personal life is no longer personal, and there's no point in trying to keep it that way.
215. You go up to the band room to practice during all of your study halls, not just because you need to practice, but because you want to be in the band room.
216. After crying tears of joy Hally Berry style, right? PLEASE tell me it was Halle Berry style. for your great score at finals, you cry tears of sadness because marching band is over.
217. As a junior who has never done color guard, you decide to join winter guard because you just can't stand the thought of not having "that feeling" for the rest of the year. "That feeling" could also just mean you're wearing your uniform pants on backwards; you'd better check and confirm.
218. You never question the unwritten rule that nobody other than percussionists can go inside the drum closet. God only knows what happens in there anyway.
218. You cried when you found out that you made drum major.
219. You get bored in class so you pick random people who aren't in band and decide what they would play if they were based on their personalities.
220. Your idea of a fun Saturday night is spending it at a band competition and the bus ride home.
221. It does not bother you at all that every Saturday, you spend over 12 hours doing something band-related.
222. You can tune a piccolo.
223. Tuning out the trumpets is second nature to you. Oooh, burn.
224. It's 2:00 in the morning and you think: "Hey great, I still have time to practice my trombone before school starts!"
225. You actually DO practice your trombone at 2:00 in the morning because "no one will care if I use a mute, right?"
226. When you're in concert band and you're watching the halftime show and hear 4 guys blow their airhorns in the stands and then you don't talk to anyone for the whole 2nd half of the football game because you are so mad.
227. You use your white marching band overalls to be an Oompa Loompa for Halloween, (complete with green hair, mind you) and your friends refer to you as "the devil in a band uniform." This is an image I think I would have rather not gotten embedded in my brain.
228. You go to the band room at lunch and watch the Cadets' field show, even though you have already seen it every day for the past month.
229. (See above) You still ooh and aah at everything.
230. You don't have to wonder what a guy in band looks like in his boxers, because you've probably already seen him change.
231. You get to brag to your non-band friend(s) that you saw ____ in his boxers.
232. If someone tries to walk through the band, you yell offensive expletives and kick them out with the help of everyone else in your rank.
233. Holding your section leader's instrument is considered an honor.
234. When introducing yourself to a fellow band geek online you say "I''m the clarinet/flute girl" and they still don't know who you are.
235. You say "I have a crush on the drum major" and you are automatically friends with the whole flute section.
236. Thinking the drum major is hot is normal.
237. Stalking the drum major is normal (and easy... I mean, you see him 24/7).
238. If you're in the clarinet or flute section, you meet a new person every day that you didn't know was in your section. What's really great is when you don't have to match names to faces, because every one of them is named Sarah.
239. You stick your tongue to a frozen pole because your drum major told you to.
240. You know your band director, drum major, and section leader's home phone, cell phone, and e-mail by heart.
241. You go to the band room at lunch and watch the Cadets' field show, even though you have already seen it every day for the past month.
242. ...and you still ooh and aah at everything.
243. You don't have to wonder what a guy in band looks like in his boxers, because you've probably already seen him change.
244. You get to brag to your non-band friend(s) that you saw *blank* in his boxers.
245. If someone tries to walk through the band, you yell offensive expletives and kick them out with the help of everyone else in your rank.
246. Holding your section leader's instrument is considered an honor.
247. When introducing yourself to a fellow band geek online you say "I''m the clarinet/flute girl" and they still don't know who you are.
248. You say "I have a crush on the drum major" and you are automatically friends with the whole flute section.
249. Thinking the drum major is hot is normal.
250. Stalking the drum major is normal (and easy..I mean, you see him 24/7)

"Hand me a band aid will you? I cut my finger."
"Nah, they're both sorting music right now."

251. If you're in the clarinet or flute section, you meet a new person every day that you didn't know was in your section.
252. On your bye-week you go to other people's football games.
253. You and your boyfriend go to a Marching Competition insted of Homecoming.
254. You spend hours a day trying to think up something good to put on the 'You know you're a band geek when...' list.RAWK!
255. You know your a band geek when you have dated someone from each section of the band... including the drummers.
256. You're so used to having things thrown at you at short notice that you assume there will be a pep rally or parade every Friday afternoon (and on all holidays) and are shocked when there's not.
257. You have competions with who can hum their parts the best and loudest with the bus parked next to you at Festival.
258. You've spent a good hour reading 257 signs of being a band geek when you were convinced by about number 10. Hoo-hah!
259. You've been to your directors' house almost as much as you've been to your own.
260. You've been away from home so many times in the past month that your parents forget you live there. Parents? You mean your band director?
261. You hear a story of some random band idiot and automatically assume it was a drummer (or in extreme cases, a trumpet).
262. You've been in band so long that you've had almost every locker and still remember the combination.
263. You have more music than notes and textbooks combined.
264. You can recall at least 50 other band web sites off the top of your head.
265. More than half of your shirts are band related.
266. ...and you actually wear them...
267. ...on the same days as your section.
268. You know everything about everyone in band such as phone numbers, favorites and siblings names.
269. You find that most of your closest friends belong to band. Other people just can't relate.
270. Icy winds and sub-freezing temperatures at football games don't bother you. Who needs feeling in their toes? Marching band is worth it!
271. You are truly outraged when "opposing bands" presume that they can play "Louie, Louie" (or any other song, for that matter) better than your marching band can.
272. You spend as much time practicing your instrument(s) as you spend doing homework. Wrong notes are something that happens to other people.
273. You download songs that you play in band because they're so much better than the songs playing on the radio.
274. You want to be a band director when you grow up.
275. You rank your fellow band members in order of their nerdiness.
276. You become psychotic with rage upon finding out that you are only second on said nerdiness list.
277. When "Greensleeves" is in your repetoire, you start wearing green shirts to band in order to subconsciously convince your director to let you play it.
278. You feel slighted because a list such as this so inadequately expresses your love for band. What, so you want me to do an interperative dance? 'Cause I will, you know.
279. After school every day you go directly to the band room and talk to your band director and band friends and order pizza with him.╩
280. You are angry that your band director doesnt have the same lunch as you.
281. You have whole cds of drum cadances that you listen to over and over.
282. You aren't a drummer but you can play every cadance as if you were one.
283. The drummer in your class gives you a funny look after you play all the cadances on your desk (see above).
284. Your favorite memories and stories are from band trips.
285. You've developed an infatuation for your director.
286. You get mad if the desks in your row aren't straight.
287. Your favorite mode of transportation is yellow and seats 45.
288. You have no life and LOVE IT!
289. You have a farmer's tan from the last band camp.
290. (For trombones) You know what it feels like to have your slide frozen in place (see below). Reason #12 to play woodwind.
291. When your slide is frozen, you start thinking of alternate postitons so you can still play most of your show.
292. You have nightmares about dropping your slide on the field.
293. You drive by your director's house over Christmas break, even though you know he's out of town getting married.
294. When considering the weight of any object, you measure it multiples of the weight of your sousaphone or tuba.╩ For example, your little brother weighs about two sousaphones.
295. You switch instruments so often you don't know which section you belong to and develop multiple personalities.
296. When you're kicked out of the band room for lunch you have absolutely no idea where you're going to go. It's kind of like you're a sad, lost puppy - where some people feel really sorry for you, and other people just want to kick you. Yeah.
297. You can't picture yourself dating/marrying a non-band person.
298. All you have to do to con a new freshman/sophmore into doing something is say "Come on, its trumpet tradition."
299. People don't believe you when you say band chicks/guys are hot.
300. You skip prom because you have all-state/drum corps practice.

Tune or die, fool

301. You don't even notice that you're pecking anymore.
302. You speak more than 25 words in Latin, French, and Italian (poco meno moso, anyone?)
303. Your instrument cost you more than your car.
304. Your ceiling has holes, and you can remember the specific toss that caused them.
305. You've carried a sabre or rifle to class and no one noticed.
306. The term "6-mallet technique" frightens you. I am quivering in my socks as we speak.
307. You've ever been run down by a tuba (or quads). A GUY CARRYING A TUBA AND QUADS!
309. You know how to tune a drum... and you aren't a percussionist.
310. You've ever performed emergency surgery on an instrument (with or without duct tape).
311. You've invented a new acronym for the order of sharps.
312. You know the pitches of all the sounds your bus makes.
313. Forget fingernails on a chalkboard: out-of-tune flutes make you cringe.
314. You would take physics just to learn about sound waves.
315. You've ever turned a metronome on and it brought back memories.
316. You saw Drumline more than once, even though it was that bad.
317. You've skipped a class to go watch one of your school's other bands practice.
318. You've ever tried to play two instruments at once.
319. ... and you succeeded.
320. You've played an instrument that's older than you are.
321. You know the acoustics of every room in your house.
322. You have ever used cork grease for chapstick. That's just called being resourceful.
323. When you do finally date a non-band member, it doesn't matter, because the director lets him ride on the bus to all the away games as long as he wears a band t-shirt too.
324. You regularly order pizza to the band room for lunch because it has its own outside door.
325. If you're late to school, you know you can just go in the band room door and be fine.
326. You've discovered the beauty of privacy in practice rooms after school. If you know what she's sayin'...
327. When you *gasp* don't have band practice, all of your band friends come over to hang out and you spend a lot of time discussing the proper succession of drum majors for the next four years.
328. As a senior, you have your freshman, and are proud of how well you've taught them tradition.
329-338 are for us university band geeks:
329. You still cry when you hear the band-bus theme song from your senior year.
330. You actually go to college intending to major in music education.
331. All your friends are music ed majors or in the marching band.
332. Your first criteria for college is that it have a marching band, even though you intend to major in something else. (Like history, or science...)
333. Your college essay is all about how marching band was the best thing that ever happened to you.
334. You have vehement arguments with your college marching band friends about whether they're "chickens", "plumes", or "fuzzy bunny dicks."
335. You decide to drop concert band for more time to practice, but would never think of dropping marching band.
336. You go to your old high school's homecoming and follow the band for the whole parade, playing along on the kazoo.
337. You inform your former band director that if he doesn't pick your choice as drum major he will die.
338. The band director listens.
339. You're a Goth girl who plays first chair flute/picc, and everyone hates you for not being popular and STILL getting first chair.
340. Locking a freshman in a cubby is the highlight of your morning.
341. You march in red Converse sneakers and actually think that you're cool
342. You get excited about hearing the next field show ideas.
343. You lose your voice from screaming at competitions
344. You make freshman/1st years wear signs that state that they are the band bitch. How prestigious!
345. You director (who is bald) allows you to call him Grandpa and Chrome Dome.
346. You know how to make your own slide/valve oil.
347. You know where every piece of equipment belongs in your band truck.
348. You've ever been sent to find a gock and actually know what your looking for.
349. Most of the people your little brother knows are your friends from band.
350. People stop calling you a band nerd because you take it as a compliment. Damn skippy.

What do you get when you throw a tuba down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.


351. You get excited when the staff finally gets a new tuner.
352. You encourage your director to set out said tuner so you can try it out.
354. When introducing yourself, you say your instrument, row, and file whether or not it's marching season.
355. You make fun of people because they play on Ricos during concert season. VanDoren all the way, beeyotch.
356. You make fun of people because they play on VanDorens during marching season. WHY would anybody DO that?
357. You judge another player by the hardness of their reeds/size of their mouthpiece.
358. The song "Seventy-Six Trombones" bothers you, because everyone knows you can't just have ONE tuba in a band.
359. When non-band people have band questions, they come to you first.
360. You arrange for the entire band to sing "Happy Birthday" to your director. On the field. At the beginning of practice. ("Band, atten-hut!" "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUUUUUU...") *Sniffle* Aww. How touching.
361. If you must go into the drum room (Cause your clarinet/flute has to be kept in there) you've learned to ignore the drummers as you run in, grab your intrument and leave.
362. You know the feeling of marching with one shoe in the mud because you lost it on the first backwards slide.
363. After getting your wisdom teeth out, all you can think about is not being able to play your trumpet for a week.
364. You write a three page newspaper article for the school paper.
365. Your director threatens to punch you in the face becuase you turned your head at a competition.
366. You volunteer to erase marching music.
367. You buy a $3000 Bach-Stadivarrius trumpet, and have to work off the $700 you owe to your parents .
368. You start working on your All-County solo peice a year ahead of time to you make sure you have it absolutely perfect before try-outs.
369. You have a broken knee cap and can barley move, but still come to school just in time for band class (last period of the day).
370. You actually know what "L'istesso Tempo" [same tempo] means, because you just frantically studied for the terminology quiz in band that day.
371. You go through you scales on you imaginary instrument during U.S. History class.
372. You form "The Trombone Club"/have friends that are in the club.
373. You join flag corps.
374. (see above) You endure running the 70-yard dash in 20 seconds back and forth many times in a row because the band can't get the drill right.
375. You wait outside the band room every morning for the band director to arrive.
376. All your white shirts and your white carpet have valve oil stains on them.
377. You know you're a band geek when you take the time to think of all of these "You know you're a band geek when..." sinarios.
378. You believe football is just the warm up for the band.
379. You have smacked a football player with a flag pole marching around the track.
380. You have ever pulled scarfs out of your pants or briefs for a drum break feature.
381. If an adminstator wants to find you, all they have to do is walk down to the band room.
390. You get upset because you have to miss the band car wash.
391. You fall asleep in the band room after getting home from a competition and you wake up the next morning in a tuba slot. ...With a tuba and the kid who screwed up the triangle solo.
392. You wear your drill masters like slippers
393. You start singing songs such as "Hannuka in Jewish" (deck the halls with big menorahs, falala..) in 7/8 for fun.
394. Someone will start singing a section of a piece in the halls and everyone will jump in with their parts in perfect harmony.
395. You can have a whole conversation with each other by just singing lyrics from various broadway musicals such as RENT and Chicago.
396. Your band directors automatically expect you to pick them up food everytime you go to Subway, even if you hadn't talked to them before.
397. You go down to Subway in a jeep with 11 bandies in it...including 4 people in the trunk.
398. After school, you try and race your friends to see who can get to the band room first.
399. Your younger siblings can sing your show music forwards and backwards from all of the times you've practiced it at home.
400. You're reading this now instead of doing a midterm paper due tomorrow.

401. For those of you who do not have a marching band at your school, you desperately want a marching band and you have suggested it many times to your band conductor.
402. Because you don't have a marching band, you join a fife-and-drum corp so you can learn something new and get to march in parades and see how much fun it is.
403. You know what key every instrument in the band is in and can transpose between them.
404. You can't figure out how you ever lived without band before you started playing your instrument.
405. Your "locker" is your slot. Tell me, what do YOU do when you find said kid who messed up the triangle solo at competition in your slot?
406. People wonder why you and your friends ALWAYS walk in step together.
407. You don't feel comfortable until you're in step.
408. You have dated someone from every section, and your're wishing that the seniors wouldn't have to go, that way you could successfully make round 2 on dating all the saxaphones.
409. You take it personally when your band director remarks that your note is flat.
410. You actually MISS the 4 hours of practice in concert season, and you hate that your metabolism has returned back to its normal state.
411. You don't get aroused when your director wants you to "F Around the Room"
412. When someone says "Justin" it's not for a person, it's for a cadence.
413. You wore out your Dinkles before you wore out your Nikes during football season.
414. Finger your parts. Come on, you know you want to. Rawr.
415. Valve oil is practically a bodily fluid.
416. You hear the rumors before the actual events occur.
417. The underclassmen get the ugly plumes. That's just how it goes. You best believe it, foo.
418. You want to be section leader so you can get out of formation to talk to your friends... er... check the horn angles.
419. You want to be section leader so you can sit on the end of the bleachers. Leg room is a signal of your power.
420. There are specific dances needed for certain cadences, chasers, and fight songs. Participation is NOT optional. Do not indict yourself! Yes sir!
421. Oh, you did DCI in high school? That's cool. It doesn't mean squat. Squats? I hate squats.
422. All you need to fix a woodwind is a lighter, a tissue, a piece of paper, and a pair of tweezers.
423. All the parties you have outside of band end up being band parties anyway. Who else would you invite? Your director's... mom?
424. When "Anyway You Want It" comes on in the car, you each sing your parts.
425-440: More from the university crowd. Rock on!
425. You hate Ohio State's marching band for one reason only: You are a woodwind.
426. You cried when you saw Morgan State's marching band. Nuff said.
427. You practiced your Harlem Shake so you could audition for Morgan State's marching band.
428. More than half the songs on your MP3 playlist are band songs.
429. You hear your insturment in all symphonic songs. "Ooh! I hear a french horn! That's me!" or "Did you hear that bass clarinet stinger?"
430. You put the release date of Drumline on your calendar a month before the previews were on TV.
431. "Push it in" and "Pull out" are perfectly acceptable terms for tuning.
432. "Push it in" and "Pull out" are not pornographic terms.
433. You make friends with the T.A.
434. "8 to 5" is not a work day.
435. You can tell people didn't do band if they a) have bad posture b) walk with their feet out c) are not in step with the people in front or beside them.
436. You can clap, sing, and sizzle almost any rythm put in front of you.
437. You have a specific diet for marching season.
438. You can remember your uniform number from high school.
439. You know who has that one now just by a glance.
440. You ask to be the chaferone on your high school band's trips the year after you graduate.
441. At least one of the pictures in your room is of you in a band uniform.
442. You don't have to ask why the drummers have rubber bands on their wrists.
443. You don't question when someone says they're a Boner.
444. The stands next to the band are reserved, too. For the band parents.
445. On long band trips, you know what's going on in the seat ahead of you, because you did it on the last band trip...
446. You pretend to be disgusted when someone brings it up (see above).
447. You already know what insturment you want your kids to play. Yours of course!
448. If I say "One-ee and-a two-ee and-a" you can draw a picture of it.
449. You know the security guard in the music school by name.
450. You remember drill from freshman year of high school.

"MAKE 'EM SAY UHHHHH!"
"...on concert Bb?"


451. You hear the rival band playing a version of your band's pep tune and you say "that is such a bad arrangement."
452. There is at least one person in the band you refer to with a shudder.
453. The football and basketball teams call you the twelfth and sixth man, respectively.
454. When Tampa Bay won the Superbowl, you freaked when the head coach gave credit to the band first.
455. You stay up to 2 o' clock after the game talking about all though wrong notes you played. 456. You Take your instrument for a monthy check up at the local music service store; you can never be too careful.
457. Conversations don't get interesting until the topic of "band" comes in.
458. Your ego inflates everytime you go on a band trip (ie Rose Bowl, Macy's).
459. You can walk into your junior high school when you'er a senior and you band teacher still knows you by sight, name, and what instrument(s) you played.
460. (Woodwinds) You freak out every time someone calls you a "field ordament", and still hold strong to the fact that brass sucks.
461. You know how it feels to have to run off the field pushing a marimba with a faulty wheel *AND you know the exact angle to push so that wheel works* This band geek's gots skillz, yo.
462. (Flutes) You felt a lot better after seeing American Pie 2 just so that you could get even with the trumpets for saying "And this one time, at band camp..." one too many times.
463. When you sign up for instrumental class in school, you are absent 3/4 of the time because of band, of course and still end up with an 85% average.
464. You face daily death threats for getting first chair saxophone when you are a) the youngest member of the band and b) there are seniors that should have taken the position. WHAT THE MOFO ARE YOU DOING AT FIRST CHAIR?! This is blasphemy, I tell you.
464. You have perfected the art of playing with a broken, torn or rippled reed.
465. You can mentally replay every song in your bands repertoire from memory, down to the trumpet solo.
466. You bow before entering the instrument room.
467. The inside of your mouth is lacerated from all the biting down for the high notes.
468. Your lips are absolutely ripped.
469. You hear a piece of music called "Dusty Trombone" and think: "Blasphemy!"
470. You have to get braces from your mouthpiece being stuck in your mouth all the time
471. You swear and attest every single day that the tenor sax can beat the crap out of alto any day of the week.
472. You feel as though it is your duty as a citizen to play the "Hockey Night in Canada Theme" every Saturday night, to the annoyance of your family members. Crazy Canucks...
473. You're in Jazz band and become bitter enemies with your best friends from the Concert bands.
474. You are able to play your solo from any song using your mouthpiece alone.
475. Your reed is so well used that your band director begs you to throw it out.
476. After said throwing out, you hold a funeral, and build a coffin for your reed.
477. You weep for weeks after this funeral.
478. You take Italian just so you can show off your smarts on your next music theory exam.
479. ou offer to carpet the ceiling of the band room so your solos will echo less
480. You offer to vacuum the carpeted ceiling of the band room, so your solos won't echo
481. When your friend writes out a song in "da da daaa" you know exactly which song they are talking about.
482. When you saw the movie "Drumline" and felt some sort of joy that a movie intereprets band as a sport.
483. Not only do you remember marching music from last year, but also the parts for at least three different insturments.
484. You go home after a football/basketball game and practice your pep band tunes.
489. Polychords don't scare you.
490. You got bored, so you composed a song then had your band sight read it the next day.
491. Your band hates you because your song has 5 flats. (see above)
492. You can march to 9/8.
493. You are good at marching to 9/8.
494. You can conduct in 1/1, 2/2 (or 2/4), 3/4, 4/4, and 5/4 with little effort.
495. ...and you're a sophmore.
496. You constantly pester you band director with new marching show ideas.
497. When you get a song by Bach, the first thing you look for is a tritone.
498. To your dismay, you don't find one. (see above)
499. You know what a tritone is. ...tri..angle? Damn kid who screwed up the triangle solo...

Trombone Kama Sutra: Doing it in seven positions.

500. You love tritones (especially if you're in jazz band).
501. You can read a twelve bar blues.
502. And solo to it. (see above)
503. And make it sound decent. (see above)
504. And you're not in jazz band. (see above)
505. You have all 84 major, minor and natural modal scales memorized and can play them on cue (Ionian, Dorian, etc...).
506. You computer desktop picture is a picture of your marching band, and you can find yourself in the picture with little effort. Second rank, third file, beeyotch.
507. You stay after school, solely for the purpose of playing the drum set without having the drum captain yell at you.
508. You get "SAX ARMY" printed on your letterman jacket.
509. Despite the fact your school doesn't have an orchestra anymore, you learn how to play cello. Nathan.
510. You have a Percy Grainger t-shirt (mine is yellow). Mine's blue!
511. You spend four out of six periods in the band room during school.
512. The whole band is on your buddy list.
513. All-State auditions are a major social event.
514. You count jazz eighth notes in math class with the other jazz band kids... just for the fun of it.
515. You play air French Horn.
516. People get your attention by calling out your uniform number.
517. You tell your other teachers to call you by said number.
518. You memorize all the trombone chants. What? You have trombones that aren't stoned long enough to make up chants?
519. You memorize them in hopes of using them as your section cheer next year (see
above), and you secretly wish you were a trombone. 'Scuse me, but who in their right mind gets jealous of brass? (I jest because I love, remember.)
520. You yell out your section's chant even if no-one's backing you, and you don't feel embarrassed.
521. You only visit FanFiction.net to read the Marching Band section (in Misc).
522. You're still kicking yourself for missing that one practice where all the flutes played in tune with each other.
523. You are able to pick out and name all the different chords in your favorite songs (which are band songs anyway).
524. During silent reading time, you try to pursuade your teacher to let you read your music.
525. You use your band teacher as your councelor, advisor, and shoulder to lean on. Word to the third.
526. Your pet(s) run away when you open your horn case.
527. You know the difference between a french horn and a melliphone.
528. You start looking in the other sections' boxes to see the quotes or interesting phrases in them.
529. You remember all of your director's strange anecdotes.
530. You trace back your family history with what instrument they played.
531. You don't need pain medication: just the memory of running drills numbs the pain.
532. You have stopped envying the pit for not having to march: their parts are much harder than yours.
533. It means something to have marched 180+ tempo. FLAMING LEGS.
534. You spend Friday night watching band videos.
536. You drive 550 miles to go to Scouts practice every weekend.
537-542: You know you're a band geek's kid when...
537. Your dad's best friend is your band director.
538. You've gone to so many concerts that by the time you're 3, you can direct in six-eight time.
539. Your dad organizes band competitions.
540. Your parents go to band competitions an hour early to save seats for everybody else's parent.
541. When you were four,you dancd with the flag girls while
wearing a bikini for your dad's marching band when they played "Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka-Dot Bikini".
542. You could carry 4 music stands at once by the time you were six. Training 'em while they're young. That's the way to go, I say.
543. You start relating your horoscope to upcoming band competitions and events.
544. You don't look in the classifieds for cars. You're looking for a new private instructor.
545. You know how to insert the bocal of a bassoon into a trombone lead pipe to produce a "tromboon" (an instrument made infamous by PDQ Bach, sounding something like a badly pitched lawn mower).
546. A friend of yours, who is learning the bassoon, learns that if you finger the lowest note, and someone else sucks on the bell (like a bong), it produces the overtone series of unpleasant squawks, and subsequently runs around the music building/complex/suite yelling, "SUCK IT!" and shoving his bassoon in anyone's face. ...I am SO JEALOUS.
547. You have been removed from a "claimed" practice room by being lifted and thrown into the hallway.
548. You have your own practice room.
550. You enjoy scaring your dachshund by playing multiphonics on the saxophone.
551. COLLEGE STUDENTS ONLY: you know exactly how much beer to drink out of your bottle to produce the tones of a dominant seventh chord.
552. Worse off, you actually sit with 3 other people for an hour tuning said beer bottle dominant seventh chord. Rawk.
553. You mistakenly spell it "spinal CHORD" on your biology exam (not spinal cord, as you should have spelled it).
554. You know the differences between German, French, Italian, and Neopolitan sixths. None of which are pizza.
555. You will travel up to 3 hours to go to a decent music store.
556. You own Eastman Wind Ensemble CD's. Juilliard's are better.
557. Your flute has its own insurance policy.
558. The idea of getting a car your junior year is wonderful because it means you can hang out in the band room longer because you don't have to catch the bus
559. You hardly ever refer to people by their real names; you call them whatever nick name they were given freshman year.
560. All your non band friends hate you because the conversation always turns to band stuff.
561. No one calls your mom Mrs. Smith - they call her Mommy Smith.
562. You know the gross joke behind each sections band t-shirts. (Woodwinds Finger Fast, Trombone Kama-Sutra: we do it in 7 positions, Kicking brass, Rule one for safe sax: always use protection).
563. You have no idea where anything is in your room except for all your band music, drill books from all years you were in band, your concert clothes, band shoes, and both of your instruments.
564. Your sole basis for dating a guy is what instrument he plays.
565. Your band-mates all have band-related screen names
566. You can tune almost any instrument, and play exerpts from a solo of such, but you can't figure out how to type.
567. Your friends call you a faggot and you don't mind (actually, it's a compliment... and for non-bandies, faggot is German for bassoon).
568. People can ask you if you fingered your faggot today, and you won't clock them.
569. If you call the pit guys faries they will hit you with mallets until you ring Bb.
570. You have attempted to ride the marimba to the football field, and it resulted in what you'd like to call "sport-related injuries."
571. No, the vibes won't go faster if it's icy. You're supposed to attach ice skates when it's icy, dumb-butt.
572. Bass clarinet players are notoriously short; about half the size of a sousaphone. Bahaha.
573. After marching band season, you never have to buy shoes again... until next year.
574. Even scarrier than 9/2 time: a flag girl with an attitude and a rifle.
575. You have a year-long argument over which is a subdivision of which: emo, or punk, andthen you compromise by saying that marching music beats all.
576. Low brass gets pissy because a bassoon, bass clarinet, and baritone sax are included in this unfair generalization.
577. You know that the alto sax is stalking the bassoon player, who thinks the quad player is hot, who consults the stationary keyboard player on Final Fantasy stuff, who is best friends with the bassoon player.
578. This is your version of the "Kevin Bacon game"
579. With the uniforms scattered haph-hazardly on a crowded bus, you can still find yours in the dark silence that follows a competition. Or party, either one.
580. You get bored in class, you compose music that is a variation on a variation of a re-arranged exerpt from a previously played band song.
581. You tell your friends that the guy you're dating isn't in band, you rationalize by saying: "Well, he plays a drumset..." but it doesn't help.
582. You have real debates about what drum major is hotter, and all of a sudden, you have to choose who your real friends are.
583. You seriously think of putting a sign at the middle of the bus, proudly stating, "COLORED SECTION" (of course, to indication that section is colorguard only).
584. You proudly display that you're a band geek on every article of clothing, including underwear. Do they make day-a-week underwear with a new note for each day? If not, they should. That's gotta be some mad money.
585. That dweeby bass clarinet player is actually allowed to zip you out of your pants.
586. Being in extreme heat (or cold) for long periods of time is normal to you.
587. You notice the school bell is out of tune.
588. Your parents were so sick of you playing your instrument in the middle of everything, they gave you your own practice room.
589. You get enraged whenever anyone gives you the American Pie joke, even if you've never seen American Pie.
590. You and your band friends all get together at slumber parties to watch band videos from the years before you joined band.
591. You are ecstatic when you find out you are getting new uniforms next year, but you feel a little sad and nostalgic, too.
592. You want to punch someone when you learn that you're getting new uniforms not next year, but the year AFTER next, when you'll have already graduated. !@#$
593. Your suspenders have so little elastic left in them, you have to double them over and safety-pin them to keep your pants up.
594. You have shoe-polishing parties.
595. You know that the cigarette paper and dollar bills that woodwinds keep in their instrument cases has nothing to do with illegal activities.
596. You go to band competitions you're not in to check out the hot guys in band uniforms. Rawr, or something.
597. You make jokes about shanks, bores, and lead pipes.
598. You refer to pieces you play by the conductor/arranger and not the title.
599. Singing on the bus after away games is called "Bus Choir".
600. Bus Choir kicks the actual choir's ass.

601. You get walkie talkies so you can overhear the staff's walkie talkie conversations.
602. You have lengthy online conversations about this list with your friends. Woot.
603. You write a TON of stories that in some way relate to band and/or are based on people/events in your band program.
604. You complain about people who can't sing/dance to a beat.
605. Your mom comments on how similar your band director looks to your dad and you almost quit band because of it. What? This is grounds for feeling ULTIMATE BAND PRIDE.
606. Your license plate says "BNDGK"
607. You know your band directors license plate, phone #, address, and schedule.
608. While reading some of these things you say "wow that sounds like a great idea!" and then you go and do it.
609. You're surprised when a non-band person doesn't know what a ligature is.
610. You know the band directors from other schools.
611. You've had to buy extra memory space for you computer because of all the classical midi files and downloadable sheet music you've saved.
612. You actually paid for some of that downloadable sheet music, and it was probably most of "The Lincolnshire Posy."
613. You can spell "Lincolnshire"
614. You skip family vacations to march in Memorial Day parades.
615. (Horn players) You have threatened to move out if your little brother took up the alto sax.
616. (Alto sax players) You have threatened to move out if your little brother took up the French horn.
617. You've been kicked out of the practice rooms to give other kids a chance, so you went and practiced in the bathrooms instead.
618. Your parents were forced to buy a bigger car just to fit the people from your section in it.
Woot, it's more for the band geeks of higher education. Repreizzent. (619-630)
619. You join the band fraternity or sorority.
620. You have marching band comic strips taped to your dorm room wall.
621. You eagerly follow Bowl Game schedules to see if maybe you'll go somewhere warm and sunny in December.
622. You know what Aural Skills is... and you're not a music major.
623. Grad assistants on wiggly ladders are very funny to you.
624. You've written a constitution for your section.
625. You come back to visit your high school band, and you stand at attention when it's called.
626. You have called the university directory service to get the phone number for "a blonde alto, she's a girl, I think she's from Ottumwa (Iowa), goes by the name Kegstand" and are surprised when you are told they can't help you.
627. (Saxes) You have ever used your upturned neck and mouthpiece to simulate a bong/crack pipe.
628. You have ever mocked the ROTC guys for being out of step during pre-game. Bahaha.
629. Even though you are falling down drunk, you are still able to march perfectly and not miss a note.
630. You have deep, meaningful relationships with people and yet know them only by their nicknames and instrument.
631. Your drum line smokes weed, gets caught, and your season ends two weeks early - resulting in your missing Chapters and ACC's. You're so upset that you miss them, that you still go to the competitions just to watch even though you have to cry through the entire thing. I bet your lesson was learned. Hmph.
632. You can direct all the past shows before you were drum major, and challenge the old drum major that you can direct it better.
633. You refuse to participate in a joint sectional with trumpets.
634. You're head band librarian. And you actually have assistant librarians.
635. You tell the band aides what to do, because you're one of them, too.
636. The director pulls you out of your aide period to work with the lower band's clarinets
637. Interpretive dance isn't just for the Guard anymore... it's a section-leading way of life.
638. EVERY piece of flag work has a name.
639. You go beyond naming your instrument, and have names lined up for your next couple of purchases.
640. You have a favorite Guard outfit
641. You tell people to forward your mail to the band hall library.
642. If anyone needs you, they can leave a note on the table in the band library
643. You stop speaking to your section for a week when they don't come to sectionals.
644. You come to marching band playing sectionals even though you're in Guard.
645. The thought of not making it into the music school at your college of choice brings you to tears.
646. You won't see your best buds during the entire summer after your graduation because they'll be marching DCI and you'll be at college band events. Tra-gic.
647. You KNOW when the tuner is screwed up: NOBODY is THAT flat... except the picc.
648. he directors for the music department have to kick you out of the music department at 7:00 every night (including weekends).
649. The highlight of your weekend was the party at your music instructors house.
650. Your instructors ask you to run errands for them, and let you borrow their cars to do so.

"We're in a heavy metal band."
"Me too, man, my sousaphone's gotta weigh like 40 pounds."


651. You have keys to your instructors houses/cars.
652. All the band moms can get in a kickline and play various parts of your show... from memory.
653. You lock your car doors and you try to match the pitch of the beep with a note.
654. You conduct to the music on the radio in the car--while driving.
655. You tell horror stories to freshmen about "the year we had 8 sets of double time!"
656. The shoes you wear with your tux to the prom have rounded heels.
657. You stack the band room chairs up to the 18-foot ceiling. Mad props, yo.
658. You go to EVERY band function, even though you're a cheerleader.
659. You manage to get a hold of a band t-shirt and wear it at least once a week, even though you're a cheerleader.
660. You have the best band locker (even though you're a freshman) (or a cheerleader).
661. You're a freshman who didn't do marching band (damn that cheerleading), but everyone else in Wind Ensemble (not only your section) still knows you.
662. You quit cheerleading to join marching band. ...The dark side wins again.
663. You have band t-shirts from before you got to your school.
664. You scream bloody murder and cry when you get a one on your solo at contest.
665. You visit music websites every day even though you know exactly what's on them.
666. You order free band brochures because you want to hang the free poster on your wall.
667. You're a member of at least 3 school sponsored bands.
668. A member of the band has printed out this list, passed it around the room during rehearsals, and 3/4 have sat around after school highlighting the best ones. I feel so loved. By loved, I mean stalked.
669. You're in the laziest band in Toronto, and you don't care.
670. You're willing to take a subway ride all the way across the city for band rehearsals, and come home at 11:00 just for the joy of it. This is what we call "The Good Life." Woot.
671. You're in the official pep band for a pro football team, and lord over all your friends the free tickets you get.
672. A 96% in band class is low.
673. Your grade in band is over 120%.
674. Your grade in band is over 140%.
675. There's a sale at the music store, and - much to the annoyance of the staff - you camp out for 3 days in tents waiting for it to happen.
676. You run around the school yelling "I'M AN ARGONOTE!!!" at the top of your lungs, and you are the only one who doesn't think you're crazy. (Argonotes are the official marching band of the Toronto Argonauts, of the Canadian Football League.) Best. Name. Ever.
677. It's Argonotes- not the Argonotes, thank you very much.
678. You've been expelled for playing a solo 9 octaves up, when you were warned to play no more than 2 octaves up.
679. You get a letter from Reed College and immediately think of your clarinet.
680. You cut physics class on a regular basis to go hang out in the band room. When you start to learn about frequencies and pitch, though, you show up to every class and immediately become the best student. Subsequently, your physics teacher thinks you are possessed and sends you to the nurse. (But nooooooo!!! Band is next period!!!)
681. You ask for a detention in band just for an excuse to stay longer.
682. You find pleasure in being able to conduct 3/4 and 4/4 at the same time...
683. ...and you put that on the drum major tryout requirements. You also wrote the rest of the tryout requirements.
684. You've had a crush on the band director's son.
685. You've had a sleep over at your Band director's house. In his front yard, without him knowing beforehand, that is.
686. Playing through a rehearsal when it's 100 degrees outside with 90% humidity? Not a problem.
687. You've pondered who would win in a band vs. football team fight. (Hmm, 160 band members with instruments vs. football players. Let's see.)
688. You dance at every single drum cadence while in the stands. Even if you're the only one and you look like an idiot.
689. Your section has pre-game rituals.
690. You've nearly slipped in a puddle of brass player spit.
691. You've had to suck the spit out of your instrument.
692. You clean up the band room for fun.
693. You walk around your room doing stuff (such as IM, eating, sleeping, talking on the phone, TV viewing, radio listening) while holding your flute.
694. you can name at least 5 people from every marching band within 30 miles of your school
695. You can play all of your marching band tunes on all the brass instruments.
Five mo' fo' the college kids, wooyay.
696. You have keys to the music department building and you carry then with you at all times.
697. All your stories start "You would never believe what we had to do at practice today..." and all your roommates leave.
698. All of your roommates are now in band although they swore they never would be. It is contagious like hoof and mouth disease.
699. Your walls are covered in old band trophies, medals, and certificates.
700. Your behavior is excused when you say "I'm with the band."
701. You've mastered the skill of walking off the field with aŠtrombone slide attachedŠto your ponytail.
702. You play your clarinet/saxaphone until your lip bleeds - at which point you get mad that your reed will now be stained, but continue playing.
703. You give your concert band a name.
704. American Overture for band has been played so many times that you have it memorized. And it turns you on.
705. You have to wear your marching band shoes to the spring concert, and you dont mind a bit.
706. Your parents met in college marching band. Do you see the tear you bring to my eye?
707. You make up an entire marching band drill with Goldfish Crackers during lunch.
708. You take the director's hall pass and smack him with it on the behind. Oh dear.
709. You take the directors patons and hide them for the year.
710. You take the directors hall pass when you're a senior and hang it up on your rearview mirror in your car to show off.
711. (Oboe and bassoon players:) You go to IDRS events and can't wait to go pro so you can get your membership.
712. You know what IDRS stands for.
713. You know all the different kinds of cane and get offended when people don't know what you're talking about. And you're a brass player.
714. You want the brassline from the Blue Devils to play at your wedding. 715. When you're explaining to one of your best friends why you're reading 700+ symptoms of band symptoms and use the excuse, "It's a band thing".
716. You come up with a song for your band. The regular school song was chickenarse quality anyway.
717. You start recruiting new band geeks from the lower band
718. You don't mind getting to school at a quarter to seven in the morning for a competition for the sole reason of getting a band T-shirt. It is just like when you drive by Marshall’s before a sale and see the senior citizens waiting in front of the doors in anticipation. Especially the senior citizens part, huh.
719. While watching Drumline with band friends, you start renaming the band members in the band on the movie with the names of members of your band.
720. At football games, you can get away with acting like a plume is a boa and wrap it around your neck whilst continuing to play and sing. That is one long-ass plume, homie.
721. "Once more" does not, in fact, mean once more.
722. You see a flag and you duck without thinking. Especially when you are driving past McDonalds and you see one of their classy flags flying out front, I bet.
723. You can drink soda on a bus without spilling it. WHY would you have soda within a 20 foot radius of your instrument?!
724. You can tune the 25 flutes all named Sarah perfectly.
725. You start crying because your new school doesn't know what a mellophone is and has never had one before.
726. You still go back to your old school for concerts, even though it's a four hour drive.
727. You adopt someone as your section mascot so your section can rub their stomach before a competition.
728. When asked who you would never date, you reply "Anyone from ____ High School's band."
729. You have a secret supply of sunscreen.
730. You have section parties just for the heck of it.
731. You think lower of people who cant read music
732. You've witnessed your director hit someone in the head with a baton.
733. You've witnessed your director place a flute case between his legs.
734. You've seen a tuba mute.
735. You've ever drooled over a trombone section's performance. Because that spit valve action is so irresistible, you know.
736. You've seen someone break a drum head at state/national level performances.
737. You've ever stared at a trophy and acted completely stupid when someone acknowledged you as you stared.
738. You get dumped for a drum major.
739. You compared your arm width to that of a bassoon.
740. You have found food in your sousaphone... and you saw somebody eat it.
741. You use honor bands as an excuse to pick up potential honeys.
742. You take IB music (even if you're not in IB). Check out the cross-list reference on this number, yo.
743. You quit IB after the coordinator says the band is not important, which is the biggest load of crap ever. Wordy word.
744. You play air quads.
745. You've created band mythology.
746. You practice your field marching out in the street.
747. You make up lyrics for concert pieces.
748. You can run in step.
749. Your director has adopted you.
750. You start to wonder if any of your band mates are going to try to marry the director.

I see you baby, shakin' that brass.
-UCLA marching band t-shirt


751. You think band should be a graduation requirement.
752. You dream about practice.
753. Marching around the house constitutes as exercise.
754. Your children will have genes for glide stepping.
755. You get a tattoo of a music symbol. Anywhere. Doesn't matter where.
756. You consider getting a leash for your instrument case.
757. The word 'locrian' turns you on.
758. You select fellow band members after which you'll name your kids.
759. Nothing smells better to you than band uniform BO.
760. You meditate at attention, and you march in your sleep.
761. You can play and sleep simultaneously.
762. Your instrument has ever doubled as a weapon.
763. You've marched in an evening gown.
764. You can sleep right next to a jamming percussion section.
765. You want band songs played at all your milestone events (i.e. wedding).
766. You have contests with fellow trombone players to see how many animals/objects you can see in a puddle of spit.
767. You are dressing down and scream "I'm not straight!" and nobody thinks anything of it.
768. You have slipped on the field while jazz running in a crazy set, and accidentally threw your flute two yard lines down as you sprain your wrist on your neighbors shoe. You then scramble to retrieve your flute and make it back in the correct set without the director noticing. Skillz.
769. You walk through the halls practicing double tonguing regardless of the weird looks you are getting.
770. You have been hit in the head with half the instruments in the band (including the stationary ones that aren't band related, like the piano).
771. People can't stop singing once they start singing.
772. When there's a tornado warning, you immediately take your adored clarinet into the closet with you.
773. You use pick up lines, like, "I'm a formata... hold me."
774. You filed suit against the producers/directors of 'American Pie' for defamation of character resulting from that 'this one time at Band Camp' scene.
775. Who needs Chapstick when you've got cork grease?
776. You take a Band Geek quiz and are determined to be the Ultimate Band Geek.
777. You never want to graduate so you can stay in band.
778. You think about trying to see if Chapstick is just as good as cork grease for your instrument, but decide not to, for fear of the Chapstick ruining your precious.
779. You found a picture of your marching band on a website that isn't even your school's, and you can find yourself in it.
780. Instead of clapping on the downbeats during a John Phillip Sousa song, you clap on the upbeats.
781. Your date at band ball notices the key changes.
782. You make fun of Drumline. Or secretly wish that was you.
783. You're surprised when people's personalities don't match their instrument.
784. What's with female drum majors being well endowed?
785. (For tubas) You've been knocked over by a football player.
786. (For tubas) You've learned how to pick up your instrument without bending over.
787. You've developed "tuba shoulder." And you play flute.
788-799: University band geeks again, hooray!
788. You miss competitions, but revel in high school competitions you grace with your presence. You are gods! Recognize.
789. You go back to be a "chaperone" on your high school's tour.
790. You go back to your high school's competitions and are surprised when your freshman have switched instruments.
791. You DESPISE astroturf; so many freshman have been lost that way.
792. You switch from flute to tuba because you were an alternate.
793. "Cal-Stanford" is the only football game that means anything to you, in that you were more concerned about the trombone player than whether or not that guy actually scored.
794. You sit in with the pep band of the local high school.
795. You are a marching instructor for the local high school, even though you didn't
go there.
796. After hearing your stories of college marching band, your little brother begins trying to do the same things in high school.
797. You know all the reasons why Marching Band is better than sex. And you believe it.
798. Your band director tells you that you spend too much time in the band room.
799. (This one's for the Catholics) You've ever written/conceptualized Mass Settings for DCI and marching band...picture a priest entering to Cadence.
800. You start missing your band director the day after school is out, because you won't get to see him every day.

801. Your poor instrument has to go into the shop because you dropped it *GASP!* one too many times at practice whilst pretending it was a baton or a drum major mace.
802. You cry because it's taking forever for your instrument to get fixed and you can't practice.
803. You can convince someone to get in a tuba locker, then quickly lock them in and have the entire band make fun of them. And then do the same thing the next day. Your band is, uhm, clever.
804. You have made up a parody to every cheer the cheerleaders do (see number 198) and have even forgotten the original words.
805. You miss class to go to the chiropractor, but don't miss band practice. Instead, you learn how to pick up a sousaphone without bending over.
806. You belong to the band fraternity/sorority webring.
807. After hours of band practice, you have an uncontrollable urge to practice at home - even though your are in terrible pain because your mouth is on the verge of bleeding.
808. You know that you fit inside your music library's sliding shelves. What is it with people and seeing if they fit into things not made to fit people, yo?
809. You've climbed inside said drawers to retrieve your precious supply of valve oil, which was thrown behind the shelf.
810. You find it amusing to crab walk up and down stairs.
811. Your director had to kick you out of the band room after competitions because it was 1:00 in the morning and he wanted to sleep.
812. You hear a song and instantly picture what the drill would look like for it.
813. People have gotten into screaming, punching, weave-pulling fights about who should be head drum major. Weave-pulling! Classy.
814. Hits have been taken out on people who stole your chair placement.
815. The band gossip is better than all the soap operas put together.
816. Instead of going to a movie on the weekend like normal people do, you plan the drill for next year's show, even though you aren't the director.
817. When a tornado comes through during pit orchestra practice for the musical, you take your metronome and clarinet with you and laugh at the actors who have nothing.
818. Off the top of your head, you can think of at least 87 dirty jokes about saxophones.
819. You invited your only non-band friend to hang out and she left half way through because she was tired of being so lost and ignored. And you didn't notice she left.
820. You can perform a tracheotomy with your directors pocket knife and a brass mouth piece. Skillz, son.
821. Your director is commonly known as God.
822. You and your band buddies have IM conversations in song titles.
823. You think that, at the Senior Awards Ceremony, they should have an award for being in band all four years.
824. You have fantasies/nightmares about the gag gift your band director will give you
when it's YOUR turn.
825. You embroider "bandgeek" on all of your clothes.
826. You've used your black marching pants and white undershirt to play "mime."
827. You got excited when a marching band was formed on Spongebob.
828. You were less than excited when the "flag twirlers" on Spongebob were way off count.
829. You develop a deep-rooted hatred for the new 'all-star' freshman, and make a deal with the rest of your section that if 'We go down, he's doing down with us'.

thanks for comin!